The Musicologist

image/graphic by jack hastings

MP3 Audio File

Walking on two legs was a hard way to go
Out of the water from somewhere below
Where is my mother when I need her now
I stand, I crawl, get up, I fall
A kiss for luck? There’s no one to call
A kiss for luck? There’s no one to call

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MP3 Audio File

I won’t shed a tear for Gentle Annie
Her memory’s drained to drops
in the jug that is my mind
But in the gray daylight I might just pick a fight
With some scoundrel who claims Annie I can’t find

Chorus
So weave me a warm woolen blanket
Weave me a tale of a love that’s always true
You are the warp and the weft of my heart
I am the thread and you are the loom

Don’t shed a tear for me, brother
Though sorrow is my burden
and misfortune is my game
I have loved and I’ve lost
and it’s never worth the cost
I don’t care what the poets might say

Chorus
So weave me a crown of daisies
Weave me a cloak against the cold and the rain
Your fingers so lithe and so nimble
Play across my mind
like the dawn of a brand new day

Bridge
O my sweet Annie don’t forsake me
Don’t leave me to mourn
in the Winter’s fading light
O my sweet Annie I am aching
For the red of your lips and the green of your eyes

I won’t shed a tear for gentle Annie
Her memory drifts like the wind upon the dunes
In the middle of the night
it’s too late to make it right
Though I’ve tried, O Lord, yes I’ve tried

Chorus
So weave me a warm woolen blanket
Weave me a tale of a love that’s always true
You are the warp and the weft of my heart
I am the thread and you are the loom
I am the thread and you are the loom

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MP3 Audio File

I thought I knew what's 2 and 2
She stole my heart what could I do
She tied my heart in a Gordian knot
Changed just about everything I thought
I was paintin' the barn of a teacher of mine
When she asked me in to help her

She said each month will be a thrill
A kaleidoscope of spills and chills
Ma don't be sad and don't you grieve
There comes a time when a son must leave
I was paintin' the barn of a teacher of mine
When she asked me in to help her

Bridge:
I was workin' hard That sunny day
Just tryin' to earn Some extra pay
I told her no When first she cried
I wanted to stop I really tried
But my brain lost out As I met her gaze
It's a chemical problem And she solved the case

Before too long I'll be eighteen
And from this place we'll finally flee
We'll finally flee this wretched place
I cannot wait for her embrace
I was paintin' the barn of a teacher of mine
When she asked me in to help her
I was paintin' the barn of a teacher of mine
When she asked me in to help her

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MP3 Audio File

Here they come, the drowning men
Row, ye bastards, row on
Gone to sea now back again
Row ye bastards row

To slay the dread Leviathan
Row ye bastards row on
Ye must have the fire that burns from within
Row ye bastards row

Chorus
Far thee well, my faithless Jonny
Far thee well, my seasick swain
May ye lie in fifty fathoms,
Ohhhhhh…
In the great gray whale’s embrace

There is an island of the damned
Row ye bastards row on
All made of bones in the sucking sand
Row ye bastards row
And those great beasts so cruelly slain
Row ye bastards row on
Sing to your soul all the night and the day
Row ye bastards row

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge
And the blood of the lamb
And the blood of Abraham
Runs a red river
Across this blasted land
No flesh, nor bone
Nor oil have ye found
To sacrifice for a penny
or for a bloody pound

100 days at sea and more
Row ye bastards row on
Deafened by the sea storm’s roar
Row ye bastards row
Eyes that see no light of shore
Row ye bastards row on
Beneath the waves at last are borne
Row ye bastards row

(Repeat Chorus)

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MP3 Audio File

He walked along the chilly lake
And came upon a gravesite
Two wooden sticks, a mound of earth
He sat down in the morning time

What brought this resting place right here?
Who mourned this forgotten soul?
He sat and cleared his scattered thoughts
His journey took its toll

Chorus:
He unstrapped his saw and played a song
In that land beyond the sky
Maybe death isn't darkness after all
But a bathing in holy light

What happens to the singing bird
When he falls from above?
What happens to the joyful man
When he falls out of love?

There beside that unmarked grave
By the lake in the morning time
He decided he'd go back for one more chance
To let his soul take flight

Chorus:
He unstrapped his saw and played a song
In that land beyond the sky
Maybe death isn't darkness after all
But a bathing in holy light

Bridge:
O sing you grounded wounded bird
Your song should never die
He'd give his voice for one last chance
To see that doomed bird fly

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MP3 Audio File

Desire’s a frightful strange thing
Full of craving and a restless ache
An untold need to possess
An unspeakable need to take
He was young and full of promise
I knew I could teach him well
I knew we could find the perfect life
Outside this backwoods hell.
When the difference ‘tween wrong and proper
Flounders and withers and dies
The longing will set your heart on edge
And never ask why

Chorus:
From that day forward I knew
We’d have to be together
I was asking for somethin’ I couldn’t find
I was looking for help from a student of mine

We escaped when he turned eighteen
A few months was all we had
For awhile we enjoyed the life I sought
Before everything turned bad
His note was short and there was no doubt
He said everything was wrong
But there was something off in my dark haired boy
Even before he was gone

Bridge:
I shook as I read that note
I went out into the night
It was miserable cold as I ran to the lake
With not a soul in sight
The woods were terrible dark;
No bright moon looked down
I did not see the bluff
When I tumbled to the ground
My head hit hard; death came fast
I s’pose there’s mercy in going that way
Some stranger filled with kindness
Came upon me the next day
Put me in the ground with heartfelt prayer
And then went on his way
And in the ground I lay
And in the ground I lay

Years later my love came one last time
Though he didn’t know it was me
He’d been through hell and I could tell
He needed some relief
He sat down by my unmarked grave
And I spoke to him as he cried
I tried to give him a glimmer of hope
So he might make a new life
And then he took his leave
And I knew my regret would not help
I understood too late, for both of us,
You cannot possess anything but yourself

Chorus:
From that day forward I flew
To that land beyond the sky
Desire came calling that mournful day
I was looking for help from a student of mine

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MP3 Audio File

Hey now Bessie keep cuttin’ that rug
I’m a gonna catch up when they pass that jug
Head bobbin’, heart throbbin’, spats tappin’ stew
Keep playin’ that fiddle and makin’ that brew

Bomp bomp de bomp
Boom shaka-laka-laka
Bomp de bomp
Boom-a-laka boom

What’s up Fido play them bones
Ain’t no cause to sit there alone
Pound the 88’s; grab some barbecue
I’m a gonna put on my cloggin’ shoes

Bomp bomp de bomp
Boom shaka-laka-laka
Bomp de bomp
Boom-a-laka boom

Chorus:
The barn’s been painted
and the field’s been plowed
The teacher’s been missin’ for ten years now
Kick those heels, bomp bomp de bomp
All the kin gettin’ crazy
with the Hog Waller Stomp!

Listen up Clyde turn that frown around
Better shake a leg o’lamb
when you hear that sound
I’m collectin’ the rhythm I’m recordin’ the blues
Start spreadin’ the gospel and the musical news

Bomp bomp de bomp
Boom shaka-laka-laka
Bomp de bomp
Boom-a-laka boom

Bridge:
Bomp bomp de bomp!
Ya gotta stop your CRYin’
and start deNYin’
those WOEful times
Bomp bomp de bomp!
All the folks are DANcin’
and the critters are PRANcin’
their FANcy moves
Bomp bomp de bomp!
While the joint is HOOtin’
you can just start ROOtin’
for the joyful sound
Bomp bomp de bomp!
Soul’s full of FEELin’
and your body’s REELin’;
I TOLD you so!
I told you so!
I told you so!
I told you so!
I told you so!
I told you so!

Good lord, Percy, that’s a mighty fine feel
Can you play it again, I gotta change this reel
I think I missed that part ‘bout the electric chair
The boiling blood and the fiery hair

Bomp bomp de bomp
Boom shaka-laka-laka
Bomp de bomp
Boom-a-laka boom

Chorus:
The barn’s been painted
and the field’s been plowed
The teacher’s been missin’ for ten years now
Kick those heels, bomp bomp de bomp
All the kin gettin’ crazy
with the Hog Waller Stomp
All the kin gettin’ crazy
with the Hog Waller Stomp

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MP3 Audio File

Poor Lost Leonore
In the wrong place at the wrong time
Swallowed by the earth
Poor lost one that I adored
And none but I knew what you're worth
Poor Lost Leonore

Beneath the waves of drunken grunts you plied your trade
And there is no Mission music intelligencia
A human trench is where you make an early foray
With nowhere to stay but the Hotel Valencia

Beneath the waves of trills and chords is what you crave
And not the bars and sailors and the scribes' publicity
With just a score of years behind a legacy
Until the music just becomes your sole felicity

Beneath the waves of rolling streets you found your grave
With most of those who knew your face, your voice and history
And all these years now passed away with all I try
It's just the loss of love that now will ever stick to me

Einstein doesn't know the space and time
And Edison won't light it or record it
And McKinley won't come back to root you on
And a radio will never transport your lovely voice
A Model T won't carry and convey you
Nor a DJ ever praise you
Nor a telephone alert you
That a legend is coming and you are still just…

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MP3 Audio File

She sang like an angel and drank like a man
She trod the boards from Five Points to Siam
Born on a cow patch of East Texas ground
She ran for the hills and the bright lights of town

She was light as a feather and soft as a dream
Her skin was as smooth as peaches and cream
But whiskey, cigars and cards she did love
And they called her the Lonesome Dove

Chorus
Far away, far away
Down where King Neptune and the mermaids play
They say that she drowned
When the Great Ship went down
But she’s only far away

Her frills and her lace and her well-mannered grace
Concealed her love of the cowboy way
She carried a six-gun in a holster of silk
Strapped to her thigh and her garter belt

She was light as a feather and soft as a dream
Her skin was the smoothest any man ever seen
She didn’t always play fair when it came to love
And they called her the Lonesome Dove

Chorus

Bridge
There upon the stage, she floats in the spotlight
A single tear a-sparkle in her mischievous eyes
In this theatre so grand, ten thousand hearts are lifted
You can hear the men weeping, you can hear the women sigh

A first-class cabin, an unsinkable boat
Seemed only the way for her to get home
As the iceberg hit, she cried out, “Oh shit!”
It’s the end of The Lonesome Dove

Chorus

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MP3 Audio File

Well there must be something dead
Feel it running in my head
I feel it's something that I read
And I'm going back to bed
Think there must be something dead

Yes, there’s something dead up there
Feel it underneath my hair
It’s been giving me a scare
Black and blue and bare
Yes, there’s something dead up there

Chorus:
Used to think it was living
Used to think it could talk
Always gave it a listen
When we both went for a walk
Sometimes called it my friend
Sometimes took it outside
Never thought it would leave me
Never thought it could die

Well there’s something dead in town
Never seen so many frowns
Frozen faces all around
Low grade crying moaning sounds
Think there’s something dead in town

Something dead’s come to this state
All the plans are second rate
I can say it’s not too late
But will anyone escape?
Something dead’s come to this state

Bridge:
Used to smile
Every morning
Something happened
Something strange
Made my plans
With expectation
Then it turned
Then it changed

Something dark rides through this country
A thief with sunken, hollow eyes
A smirking smile thick with spittle
That kills your hope with righteous lies
Something dark rides through this country

Chorus:
Used to think it was living
Used to think it could talk
Always gave it a listen
When we both went for a walk
Sometimes called it my friend
Sometimes took it outside
Never thought it would leave me
Never thought it could die

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MP3 Audio File

A hitch in my giddy-up
A godawful mess
A never ending echo
Of wretched worthlessness

I came for understanding
I came for your advice
You said that I could trust you
I’ve heard that once or twice

You watch me do the limbo
Bent back one more time
You ask me to cross over
That forbidden borderline
But doctor, stop the dancin’
Take away that pole
I’m too afraid of finding out
How low I have to go

Your lips are like that teacher’s
I told you all about
Your words are like the music
I record when I go out

I’ve tried to fix the gaping hole,
Heard everything you said
I still can’t feel most anything
And all I see is red

Red your mouth when you speak
Red the sky at night
Red the tears that flow like blood
From wounds that look like eyes
Red the sound I hear each time
I push the button “play”
Red the bars that hold me
Even when I walk away

I have the choice to come and go
Your lip lines always say
But either way it seems to me
Too high a price to pay

I came for understanding
I came for your advice
You said that I could trust you
I’ve heard that once or twice

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MP3 Audio File

Chorus:
going to my favorite dead end
going down to where the ripples on the grooves and the wrinkles in the synapses start to blend
riding my ship to the point where the pitches and time will both have to bend
going to my favorite dead end

Oh -
I've forgotten how to speak
I left the same gray beans they gave to me last week
They see that I won't work
They have found that it is fine to have a music clerk

They took us down the hall
We saw a band I could not understand at all
Then Kirkbride came around
I had applesauce and wished again to be shut of sound

The bits don't speak to me
We must be cranked up to spin and really see
My ears will be the horn
The needle through my fragile flesh will be torn

They served us pink spaghetti and
It made me so tired and old and bland
I need to go back down
To the Hot Five times on the west end of town

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MP3 Audio File

Heard your song, something’s wrong
Standing still was never like this
Feeling ill, feverish chill
Only seconds before the bliss

Dragged my feet, closed my eyes
Never wanted anything like this
Had to try flying high
Only seconds after the kiss

Chorus:
I’ve been hoisted high on passion’s petard
Blown to bits and scattered near and far
I can hear the sound; I’ve been dragging around
Now I’m staying with you
I’ve been hoisted high on passion’s petard
Clever calculation only got me so far
I can hold you at night; we’re exploding in flight
And I’m staying with you

First and last forget the past
Arms open wide to this
Break the stare; something’s there
Something I don’t want to resist

Overall it’s like a call
A whisper to a shout
Never heard these kinds of words
Could barely figure ‘em out

Chorus:
Got the message Through the noise of
Static storms and Recording toys
When it came I heard you sing
As the bell shaped bomb
Began to ring

A final blast, the one to last
The one that makes me soar
The end of numb; the joy to come
As you walk on through the door

First and last forget the past
Arms open wide to this
Break the stare; something’s there
Something I don’t want to resist

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MP3 Audio File

One day my old lady
Down in Montgomery
Said she’d a done better with a rodeo clown
But don’t take it personally
Said she needed an angel to lift her up
Not a fool to bring her down
And, by the way, please close the gate
On your way out to Loser Town

I was kicking up dust in Tucson
When I saw Saint Valentine
I said “Hey there Mister Lonely Hearts,”
Let me give you a piece of my mind
If only fools fall in love
And I’m always falling out
I must be the biggest fool
He said “Without a doubt!”

It’s been too long
Since I’ve been on
The sunny side of the street
When I ring the bell
At the Heartbreak Hotel
They’ve always got a room for me
Call me Mr. Lonely, I’m a solitary man
I’ll probably drown
In the tears of a clown
Out of the fire into the frying pan
But Let me tell you something, I’m doing the best I can

I can’t help falling in love
With this crazy little thing called love
It lifts me up where I belong
On the wings of a snow white dove
It’s something so strong, it can’t be wrong
Just take a little piece of my heart
Maybe I’m amazed that I’ve spent my days
With love tearing me apart

It’s been too long
Since I’ve been on
The sunny side of the street
When I ring the bell
At the Heartbreak Hotel
They’ve always got a room for me
Call me Mr. Lonely, I’m a solitary man
I’ll probably drown
In the tears of a clown
every time I fall in love it seems the shit hits the fan
But let me tell you something sugar, I’m doing the best I can

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MP3 Audio File

The notes were a drippin' like drops from a fine fresh wound
The sawdust was flippin' as I shuffled across the gray room
I heard voices ringin' like I'd never heard before
The blue moon was watchin' as I felt that sweet song soar

This is what I've done
This is where I've been
This is what I heard
When I was gone

Smooth it over, make it rhyme
Another chance, another time
Make it stop the hurt
Before I'm gone
The unfortunate silence
Surrounding the room
The sibilant softness
Of nothing

Search out the cracks
Look for the chasm
Turn out the lights
One last time

I sucked up that sound as my heart began to run
I ravaged that song as I slowly but surely succumbed
When I took my leave there was nothing much left to say
I hurried on back to beat the light of the day

The anxious grind, the yearly cycle
All set in place so many years ago
Trust tainted here, betrayal there
Any wonder there's no place left to go

The painted barn
The trembling ground
The ship that sank
Into nothing

The crippling doubts
Everybody has 'em
Rhyme the line
Feel the spasm

My passion was screaming; I started to shout
The angels were trying to pull my body out as I'd
Fight fight fight the unholy fire and I'd
Rage rage rage against the warm red desire
Please say a prayer for a man who was scared
One day I looked into the mirror and no one was there

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William Fuller and Jack Hastings

MP3 Audio File

Walking on two legs was a hard way to go
Out of the water from somewhere below
Where is my mother when I need her now
I stand, I crawl, get up, I fall
A kiss for luck? But there’s no one to call

Then off in the distance
I heard a joyous sound
Went walking towards it
as the wolves began to howl
The clouds grew dark with a wind most foul
But I chose to walk on, walk on, walk on
I chose to walk on, walk on, walk on

The flood it came and tried to wash me away
Walk on, walk on,
Surrounded by a blizzard at the end of the day
Walk on, walk on,

The trembling Earth sought to swallow me whole
Walk on, walk on,
The doubters and the liars with their bitter sad moans
Walk on, walk on

I could feel the lashing as they yelled and yelled
Walk on, walk on
Sayin’ I was weak and headed straight to hell
Walk on, walk on, walk on

Ouroboros!
Ouroboros!
Ouroboros!
Crawling through deserts I slither with wonder
Ouroboros!

On the horizon, a vermilion border bliss
Ouroboros!
The lips start to open as I come much closer
Ouroboros!
Will I finally, finally  get my kiss?

Laying still in the silent rain
My body without any bones
Where the ghosts sing
in echoes of tormented souls
They are so tired of being alone
They are so tired of being alone

Finally dance through memory’s dust
Hearing only waves of joyous sound
Skyward o’er the rolling sea
Far far above the ground

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After the discovery of a number of suitcases belonging to ex-patients of the Willard Psychiatric Center in the Finger Lakes district of New York (1), the “reality” television show, Restless Spirits, received permission to do an episode at the abandoned facility.

They had just finished setting up their gear, both for videotaping and paranormalizing, in the basement of the main hospital building when, with a tremendous roar, the entire cast, crew and aforementioned equipment were plunged some twenty feet down into a cavernous (and heretofore unknown) subbasement.

This vast space, it was later ascertained, held the voluminous archives of Maxwell Silbernhammer, a self-styled musicologist and on-again-off-again patient at the asylum. The edges of the huge room were lost in darkness but it could be seen that it was piled floor to ceiling with moldering stacks of musical scores, piano rolls, brass disks, wax cylinders, vinyl records, tape recordings, cassettes, 8-tracks, compact disks and all manner of musical instruments, recording devices and players (2). Layered throughout were thousands upon thousands of notebooks in a veriety of languages, some coded in arcane runes, others filled with delusional ravings; a lifetime of Silbernhammer’s work and his only legacy.

Little is know of Silbernhammer’s life before his emigration to America from some remote Balkan country and the records of his many commitments to the asylum are likewise incomplete. Apparently he had a very special relationship with the directors of the asylum and would be allowed to embark at will on investigations into the recovery of lost or otherwise mysterious musical works. These “investigations” would inevitably result in Silbernhammer falling prey to aural hallucinations and screaming fits whereupon he was returned to the hospital and locked in a specially designed anechoic chamber. After a few months of absolute silence, Silbernhammer would recover enough to continue his studies.

Of course the discovery of this trove of musical history raised a multitude of questions and the search was on for Silbernhammer or any relatives or descendants as well as those of the former Asylum directors or medical staff. These efforts proved fruitless. As scholars, historians and reserachers began sorting through the debris it soon became evident that there was an even greater mystery at the center of Silbernhammer’s collection. None of the composers, performers, artists, ensembles, bands, publishing and recording companies found on the labels of the various works bore any correspondence with those known in our current culture or throughout history, or in any other corner of the world.

Shortly after this realization became common knowledge, the entire Silbernhammer archives were removed to an unknown location by person or persons unknown and anu and all references to their existence were scrubbed from public records, the media and the internet.

Here are the remaining fragments of Silbernhammer's musical archives. Attend to them quickly for we don’t expe [transcript ends abruptly]

(1) Link to The Willard Suitcases
(2) One of the more interesting of these recording and playback devices was the "Tesla HarmonElektrik" a device that used a magnetized cone and a small electric spark to record and playback sound with a fidelity rivaling the best of today's digital recording. A brass plaque on the device credited its invention to Nikola Tesla in 1906.

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In alphabetical order:

• William Fuller
• Jack Hastings
• Spencer Kimball
• Gary Sears